You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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