her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
