i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
