Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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