we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
