sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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