First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
