11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
