Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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