from now on my penis is your penis
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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