Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
