just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
