We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize