Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I will be naked everywhere
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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