I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
