i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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