Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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