It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize