we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
