she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
