No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
