Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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