we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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