Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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