but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
