she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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