i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
