If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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