Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize