True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize