dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
