i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
This is my gift to your gina
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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