I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize