Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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