dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I love you.
Bad choice
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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