Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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