Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
