do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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