big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
