Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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