I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
