why didn't you poke me back
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
