it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
