I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
