Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
