just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
