So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
