I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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