I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
