his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
