Three words: puerto rican gang bang
It's Friday. Sex?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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