I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
