Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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