Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
