Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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