he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
