She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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