idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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