dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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