mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
