I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
