It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
