Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
