dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
