my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
