Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
