why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
