Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
