Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
