You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
