his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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