Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize